I hesitated for awhile about writing on this topic because it’s a subject that weighs extremely heavy on my heart. As anyone whose ever been through a rough time in their life you understand the importance of someone being there for you, and in being there for someone you always hope they will return the favor if it’s ever needed and be there for you. I’m not talking about a break up or having a shitty day although we do still need people for that. I’m talking about serious stuff whether it’s illness, a loss in the family, or any kind of situation where you truly need the people in your life to be there for you. It always starts the same once it’s new and fresh everyone everywhere is there for you and wants to help, and the more time goes by the less you hear from people, and don’t get me wrong it’s completely understandable. I understand that everyone has things going on in their life and lets face it I’d prefer you didn’t text me “how are you?” everyday, but let me fill you in on a little secret sending someone an “I love you” text or “thinking of you” or “you got this your’e so strong” means the absolute world. You’re not being annoying, you’re not imposing, you’re not overstepping you are simply being there for someone who needs you and you’re doing a damn good job. There is no “right” way to be there for someone that needs you but I will tell you there is only one “wrong” way and no it’s not saying the wrong thing or asking too many questions. Some of the things people do or say may irritate us at times but that’s because honestly we’re just irritated in general trying to go through whatever it is were going through, and sometimes the things people say honestly blows my mind just a little. Although in everyone’s defense a lot of people have no idea about specific cancers and how hard it is going through treatment. They might not always understand what situation you’re going through, but take it from someone who knows from experience the absolute WORST thing you can do for someone going through a hard time is disappear. When you choose to disappear on someone who needs you the most you are making a lot more choices for that relationship than you could ever imagine.
The amount of support I’ve been given from people has been absolutely amazing and I truly appreciate everything everyone has ever done for me. Even if it was just liking a blog post or sending a text trust me I appreciate it. My husband is just about as amazing as it gets when it comes to someone taking care of me. My mom comes with me to EVERY single chemo and doctors appointment. I have an amazing home cooked meal every other Tuesday before chemo made by my step mom so I can spend time with family before my next appointment. My mother in law was at the hospital with me every single day until I was able to go home. Everyone has sort of filled their own role in my journey and it wouldn’t be the same without all my pieces put together. The truth is I have never felt more supported in my life or been as close to people as I am now, but there are a few people out there that have truly broken my heart during this. People I would have never expected to disappear in the hardest time of my entire life. You know when you’re younger and your parents tell you they’re “disappointed” in you? And you’re like okay whatever so you’re not mad though? That’s how you feel when you’re going through the hardest time in your life and someone chooses not to be there for you. Disappointed.
Ask anyone going through anything no matter how big or small about how they’re feeling and the answer will be alone. When I was diagnosed with cancer I knew I wasn’t technically alone because I’ve been surrounded with cancer before, and I knew I would have my husband and my family by my side. But somehow you still manage to feel alone. In the beginning you feel like literally no one understands what you’re going through and how could anyone possibly get it? Then with a little navigation, a lot of google, and some time to reflect you being to cherish those who are there for you and have never left your side during this whole process. Even with all of that love and support it’s like when your boyfriend/husband says 10 good things about you and 1 bad thing, and immediately your mind goes straight to the one negative thing he said at the very end. It’s sad how easily that one negative thing can consume you. That’s how it feels when you have the whole world supporting you but 2 or 3 people who you thought would be there just simply aren’t. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying we need you everyday, we don’t even need you to text or call everyday or even every week but just being there at all makes a difference and trust me we notice. So no matter how big or small a problem can be. Be there. Be there for your friend, for your girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, daughter/son, co-worker, sibling, aunt/uncle, cousins, the girl you met one time from instagram (no but really), just be there in any way shape or form, and I promise you’ll make a huge difference in their world. There are no wrong ways to be there for someone and there’s definitely not an instruction manual on how to act around someone whose at rock bottom, but believe it or not even if you’re sitting on the same couch staring at the wall at least you’re there.
At the end of the day words can’t express the appreciation I have for my amazing support team that has never left my side since day 1! (including all you badasses reading this) Like I said before I wouldn’t know what I would do without all my pieces!
Until Next Time,
XOXO Bechtold Badass